Expectations vs Reality.
You know that scene in 500 Days of Summer,
the one where Summer invites him to that rooftop party
& he is, understandably, all excited
and thinking of all the great things that are going to happen
and then reality pretty much shits all over him?
Yes,
that one.
We’ve all been there.
Fucking hell, that was like everyday of my life.
I was rehearsing day in and day out
except I never made it to the stage
because no dress rehearsal ever went as planned:
he looked disinterested
I fumbled my lines
bad hair days, wardrobe malfunctions
I could never get it quite right.
These days, being with M,
those edges blur.
My expectations become a reality.
And while he is strikingly similar to Prince Charming,
those expectations faded, quite simply, because I let them go.
I put my foot down
I decided I did not need them acting as black clouds in an otherwise blue sky.
Now my guard is down
& it’s scary but it’s worth it,
my (usually) permanent scowl has turned a bit
and I find myself wondering why my mouth hurts…
all the smiling, all the laughing.
Odd, isn’t it?
I was so accustomed to frowning that over these last two weeks my mouth has gotten a total work out
from SMILING.
Wait for that.
Wait for someone who makes reality feel like it is all you’ve ever wanted.
I don’t have to close my eyes and conjure up a scene
of how I want things to play out;
I don’t have to hope that he’ll reach for my hand
or tell me that he’s happy to see me.
I don’t have to close my eyes and wish.
I get to keep my eyes + my heart wide open
to any and every possibility.
This is living.
The funny thing is that a few months ago,
this would be about the time I would start to retreat.
I would start to build my walls up real high
I would start to prepare…for what, you ask?
For heartache, for ruin, for nights spent thinking of what could have been
if I would have only been brave enough to immerse myself in happiness,
brave enough to release my hold on those fucking expectations.
I finally did
& this time I’m not expecting a broken heart,
I’m experiencing a happy one.
There is no telling how long this will last,
I can only hope to continue to enjoy it as much I have been,
but that’s part of the reality
and I think that’s okay.
This is a reality I hope every last one of you will have the opportunity to trade your expectations for.
—
I am overwhelmbed by your comments, messages & emails.
Thank you, all of you, so much for such kind wishes.
I am thrilled to be able to share this with you guys.
