72 hours.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write about this here
but, what the fuck who cares.
I decided Sunday night I wanted to try and do a 72 hour water fast;
I could lie and say it wasn’t motivated by my scale
but it was certainly the “holy shit that can’t be right”
step on,
step off,
take all of my clothes off and put them back on…twice.
I decided I wanted to start fresh, let my body rest for a few days
and then make better choices when it comes to eating, drinking and snacking.
The ten pounds I gained over the last year have left me feeling unusually insecure
about my body.
Where there used to be no ass there is now some cushion.
This would by any standards be acceptable, and normal
and maybe even a welcome addition
but here we go:
I have struggled with some form of a weight issue for years on end
and that never occured to me until this last year.
In 2010 my nintey pound frame at 5’3 was…sickly.
My family was concerned and try as they might to ignore my
“but I’m not hungry” rants at dinner
their exchanged glances always gave way to worried eyes.
The funny thing is that for a long while this was rather subconscious.
I wasn’t making the effort to starve myself of food,
that is to say that I didn’t have to think about it:
I just did not eat even remotely close to normal portions for a young adult woman
and I went along thinking this was okay.
Writing this is rather difficult,
more so than I expected
and I am certainly not trying to go on some body image tirade
but here I am at hour 60 of my planned 72.
Part of me wants to dive into the deep end,
test myself,
how long might I remain standing without putting food into my mouth?
5 days? 7 days?
But, that’s how it starts:
a simple curiosity
and then you’ve really done it;
the numbers on the scale dropping quickly
fuel a manic desire to watch them go lower and lower.
I know better.
And so, I will stick to my seventy two hours.
I will resolve to put better food into my body
rather than nothing at all.
And like with all things,
moderation is key.
These sixty hours have been surprisingly easy,
but the last thing I want,
anyone should want
is to imprison themselves to starvation.
